Autumn TransitionsSeptember 27, 2019
Lately if feels like I’m shielding myself from some unknown force.
Where before I use to be so eager to share, I find myself hiding in retreat.
I use to allow myself to feel emotions and express those feelings of vulnerability and confusion.
Now, I tuck them into my shelter.
Becoming the artist I’ve always known I was has been a process that is soul crushing and tiring. It’s a lot of internal debates mixed with doubt and pride.
This protection comes with growth. I’m asking myself more questions about my art and my purpose and part of growing means digging deep inside oneself, to shed layers we are holding on to and strengthening the ones that we need, that are crucial to our being.
Art is apart of everything I do but it’s been chaotic to connect the dots, find the themes that are important to who I am in this very moment.
This year and last year, I discovered this weird sense of paranoia living in me, one that is not forgiving and one that has me looking at my past self and wanting so desperately to change who I’ve been. But by wanting to change these aspects of moments that have already happened, I have reflected that back onto the people who were apart of my journey during these phases. Have you ever looked at relationships and realized you needed a minute to truly understand the fate involved, why your paths crossed in the first place? And to want a do-over means I wouldn’t be here creating the photos I am now, photos that are connecting in a way that hasn’t happened. A lot of it has to deal with the struggle of being “of age”, of becoming, of feeling time passing.
This stage is a struggle for me on so many levels but I have some exciting projects coming up and I’m hoping to share that with the world in a way that makes this space feels less and less about me and my struggles with growing older and growing up and more about human connection that others can contribute to. As always, stayed tuned.