When I left Pennsylvania, I was saying goodbye to my house that had been my home of 14 years, the state & cities that raised me since birth, my family and my best friends all in one moment. I was 18 and restless and I had a fire in me that came from loosing my dad, resenting my mom for moving us away and fear for the future and what it means to leave behind everything you’ve ever loved.
I cried the whole plane ride to Colorado. Straight, without stopping. It was impressive because I didn’t even think that many tears lived in me. I sat next to this businessman who looked like a grown up version of someone I had use to play in the orchestra with and that made me cry even more. The flight attendants handed me sodas like vodka tonics and I swung them back with my tears… still sobbing.
We got to the La Quinta late that night and I woke up the next morning hoping to be in my bed, in PA, away from this. And every morning for a year at least, I kept wishing I was somewhere else.
I graduated high school with a 3.8 GPA and I always took my education seriously because my family worked so hard to obtain it, especially my mom. I had a 1.7 the first semester of college and some mono on top of it. Later, my depression and mood swings would find a name but at the time it didn’t matter, I was simply causing as much destruction as I could.
I hated Colorado for so many reasons. For not being Philly enough, not being tough enough, not being fast enough. But in reality, I was just finding reasons to hate it because I wasn’t happy. That changed though.
I’m leaving Colorado, my home of 9 years and the home that helped raise me to be the woman and the photographer I am today, with my heart filled and a sadness that isn’t exactly like that day all those years ago but a sadness that comes from knowing you have something so beautiful worth missing, worth returning to.
East coast, I’m home.
Photos from the road trip to NYC. Shout to my best friend Ellen for being my moral support and my everything. I could not have done this without you. I love you.